Proud to be an American

Yesterday the people of this country came together to utilize our right to vote. One of the many rights that we are so fortunate to have. I didn't wake up this morning upset by the outcome but grateful that millions of people made a choice. I am one of millions that voted for change, for a new president to guide us. My candidate might not have won the race but he fought a good fight. This reminds me of why I am grateful to live in America. When this country was first founded it was because of the desire to be free. I don't know where this country is headed but I know how it began and how it has gotten to where it is today. 

Men fought for my freedom, men fought for the freedom of those that couldn't fight for themselves, and women fought for my rights. I wasn't here when those things happened but I am truly grateful for all of those that played the role and fought the good fight. 

This is a country where those that are faithless can find faith, those that are hopeless become hopeful, where men and women of all cultures can have families, religion, education and careers. We live in a very fortunate country. I might not be able to make as much as a man in the same job but I am grateful that I can work, I can speak for myself and I can stand up for what I believe in. There are many people all over this world that don't have those luxuries. We should be ever so thankful. 

I'm unsure of what the next four years will bring but I know that I have faith in God, faith in the American people, and faith that we will overcome the obstacles before us. I am grateful that no one can take that faith away. I am proud to be an American!  

A random tangent...

Time just seemed to fly by again. Maybe I should just plan to do this every 3 months and I won't be so disappointed in myself when 3 months goes by this next time. I only have three people following this blog though so I guess it isn't a bad thing that I'm not so diligent in my blogging. I honestly thought that I would be better at this.

The last time I wrote I mentioned that my job was coming to an end. The little girl that I was taking care of is now attending a preschool full time so I was no longer needed. It was sad for all of us but before that job ended I was offered another position with another family. I started with that family shortly after the last job ended so I haven't missed a beat. This family has only one child, a little girl that is almost 7 months old. She is just so precious. My days are a lot different from before but I am a fan of change. Plus it has added a new set of challenges for me. I am finding myself able to be a little lazier during the day, which I'm not quite sure is a good thing or not. She isn't crawling yet so I get to sit a lot. Of course this also gives me some time to think, which isn't always good for me either. I don't know if it is ever a good idea for a woman to get lost in her thoughts. I find myself thinking a lot during the day though.

I am going to be very real right now so the three of you who may or may not actually be reading this better get ready. I am a complete mess when it comes to my life. From the beginning of my existence I have mastered the art of quitting! I am going to sound a bit conceited for a minute but honestly I am great at a lot of things. During the last few months as I have dated different guys that I met on match I have learned so much about myself. Each one of the guys has given me lots of compliments. I have a great smile, gorgeous hair, nice lips, the perfect shape, I know how to hold my own in a heated conversation, I have a beautiful voice, intelligent, exciting to be around, caring, compassionate, adventurous, the list could go on and on. Now I have to admit some of these compliments I don't agree with but most of them I already knew about myself! (smile) I am a very talented woman, I just never really apply myself. I think I am great with kids because every day there is a new journey, a new problem to solve. This is honestly the longest I have ever stayed with something in my life, aside from some of the guys I have dated. Come to think of it, actually I wasn't very good at that either. Even though many of my relationships lasted a few years during those years it was kind of an off and on again relationship. I fear that I have commitment issues. I rarely ever live in the same apartment for longer then 3 years. I did finish Massage school but I don't even practice massage therapy anymore. I keep telling myself I need to go back to school so that I can be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Which honestly I think I would be excellent at but the only thing holding me back is the fact that I am afraid it will be like everything else in my life, a complete failure.

I met this guy a couple months ago and he is truly a great guy. We have spent lots of time together, getting to know each other and just having a fabulous time. Then I go to work and I have time to think and my mind wonders into this; "Am I just going to be wasting his time?" "Am I wasting my time?" "I really want to like this guy, I want to treat him right, I want to build a long lasting relationship with someone just like him." "Am I good enough?" "Will my past come back to haunt me or him?" "Should I just give up?" "I don't want to give up." "I don't want to be single for the rest of my life." Is there something wrong with me? This is a serious question. For all three of you, is there something wrong with me? Am I the only person who thinks like this? The only one who wonders about things like this? I know that each one of you are married and have kids but honestly, is there something wrong with me?

I think I need to add this little bit real quick. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life. I love my job. I love my friends and family. I just want more! I hope there isn't anything wrong with that. Someone once told me that you should just be grateful for what you have. Well, I am grateful for what I have but does that mean I shouldn't want more. I think I deserve more then what I have. I do work hard every day to help other people and then I come home and I look at my life and I think there just has to be more for me.

Any feedback would be wonderful. Sorry I have felt the need to go off on a little tangent here but I guess that is what these blogs are for. I just think I tend to get in my own way when it comes to being successful with anything. Sometimes I ruin things before they even get a chance to begin and I'm not quite sure why I do that. I think I am going to ponder this for a while and see if I can come up with anything. If I do, I will be sure to let you know.

On a lighter note, the Kansas City Chiefs beat the Saints in OT today so I am extremely happy about that. When the Chiefs have a win the week following just seems to be even better and go by a bit faster! I think it's because I am looking forward to the next game and the hope of another win!

Since March

I guess it's true that every day life just seems to get busier and busier. Between taking care of kids (job), going to meetings and helping out with different church responsibilities (church), volunteering at the woman's shelter (serving) and dating, that just doesn't seem to leave a lot of time for anything else. I can't believe the last time I updated this blog was in March. Of course shortly after that post the temple open house began and lots of responsibilities followed.

I have to say that the temple open house was miraculous. I have been a member of the LDS church my whole life and been to several temples but I had never been to an open house. It is such an amazing feeling. Thousands of people came to tour this beautiful building and they traveled from all over. Just to be able to be there to see the looks on each person's face was joy for me. I was able to take a dear friend of mine with me on a tour and I could tell by the glint in her eyes that she couldn't believe the beauty before her. As we walked up the flights of stairs she just seemed at peace. The questions that followed were wonderful and I was so happy that she was able to get just a glimpse into my joy and my life. It is such an amazing thing to have a temple so close!

My job is going great but will be coming to an end near the end of August. This is kind of a sad thought but I know that I will find something else to do and I will be just as happy doing whatever that is. I have a lot to think about though, which honestly is the most exciting part. I believe that I can do anything I want to do so the sky is the limit for me right now. It also helps that I am single and can make those decisions without needing to run it by someone else. Which brings me to the next bit...

I decided a little over two months ago to join match.com. I didn't think that I would get much traffic and if I did I didn't figure that I would find anyone that would really stand out enough for me to be interested. I was wrong and I'm glad I was wrong. Soon after joining I had over 200 views on my page. I couldn't believe it. Now don't get me wrong a lot of those guys weren't even close to being someone I would match myself with but it was great to see that I was some what popular! Then there were those few that really stuck out. Since joining I have been out on several dates, met some extremely great guys, met some not so great guys, but I'm seriously enjoying it. I think it is important to put yourself out there. So during this process I have also taken some time to do a little bit of writing. I have decided to start putting down my thoughts on relationships and perhaps one day turn it into a book. I guess that discussion will be for another time.

I am seriously hoping that I will start getting better at this blogging thing. Thanks for reading what I had to say.

Finding Yourself

I'm honestly not very good at this blog thing, but I promise to work harder. As I was searching for a new talent I ended up finding out more about myself. The thing about searching for something new is that you never know what you might find. All my life I have looked and looked for things that I was good at, things that would help me fit into who I thought I might be. I was a dancer growing up and I thought, "This is it, I will be a professional dancer." I am a pretty good dancer but one day I looked around and there wasn't a single person on my team, from the dancers to the coaches, that I wanted to be like. I tried sports and I found myself being pretty good there too, but it still didn't quite suit me. In high school I joined the choir and found out I wasn't too bad as a singer but I found out quickly that I didn't have the courage to sing out. Although on the dance floor I could be in the spotlight, when it came to using my voice in public I couldn't fight the fear. I have tried working in everything from retail to customer service to call centers to the service industry and now I am a nanny. I guess you could say I am still to this day searching for my true calling.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to help out at a "Mini MTC". Basically what we did was for a weekend the youth in the church from the area I live in, ages 16-18, spent a weekend (27 hours), learning about what it would be like to serve a mission for the church. So we had speakers there, group meetings to help each other, study times, role playing and actually going out into the community to share a message door-to-door. It was absolutely amazing. One of the greatest experiences and I will never forget it. In my group I had six amazingly, slightly nervous, wonderful young women. They were so full of life and excitement. I absolutely loved it because these young people were there to learn and grow. They all had the desire and I learned so much just from their presence. It was really an eye-opening, spiritually uplifting weekend! I had the opportunity to realize that I shouldn't be afraid to speak up, to be the best me that I can be. These girls looked up to me and I guided each of them, comforted them when they got discouraged, and pushed them when they wanted to give up. I guess you could say I found out that what I thought was a weakness turned out to be a strength over the weekend. These girls that are more then 12 years younger then me, encouraged me to be better.

I am so indeed grateful for the experiences that are placed before us. I know that each one helps to mold us into who we will become. I am still searching for whatever it is that I can truly call "my own" and enjoying every minute of the journey. I know that we should never give up hope and never stop trying. Tomorrow is a new day full of new experiences. They say, "The past is history, the future is in God's hands but the present is a gift." It's what we do with that gift that matters. We can't change history and I can't see past right now because I don't know what tomorrow will be like. But I can plan for today and I plan to make the best of it!

Searching for a talent

So I have to admit one of the things I don't really enjoy about my job is the weird cartoons that kids just love to watch! But today I am sitting here with this pretty little angel and she is watching "Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!" They are going to have a talent show and Wubbzy is trying to find a talent. Wubbzy starts to get sad trying to find something to do because Wubbzy just doesn't seem to have much of a talent. So the moral of the show is that you have to just be yourself. Most people are looking for someone original and not just someone who fits a mold. Obviously the judges absolutely love Wubbzy's talent, I mean he is the main character, but seriously it is important to be the best you can be and not what everyone else wants you to be.

We all have something to share and bring to this world. I am really happy that even cartoons have this figured out. As we are willing to share our talents with others we can all learn great things. I know I am always impressed when I see someone step out of a box and show off a talent that is possibly a bit unusual.

All my life I have been taught and pushed to try new things. I am so grateful for this. I learned how to dance, sing, paint (not very good at this), plant a garden (not for me), how to sew on a button (useful, but also not my favorite), writing, basketball, volleyball, soccer, track, ok so pretty much any sport. I might not be good at all of the things I have tried but I have learned something from each experience.

Today I plan to look for something new to learn and create a new talent to put in my box of tricks!!! Wish me luck!